Welcome To Free Online Personal Ads!
Dating Humor - Largest Female Breasts!

Welcome to Oral Sex 101! Everything you ever needed or wanted to know about oral sexual activities. We put this page together due to the hundreds of weekly hits in our almost fully developed search engine from both men and women inquiring about oral sex from everything to the history thereof, to tips on better performance!

We listen to our surfers, and this is the result! Fact and stats mixed in with humor so ya don't get bored! Have fun!

Adult Humor and other adult content can be found within these pages. You must 18 years of age or older to read and deliver these jokes to friends and or family.

Cunnilingus & Fellatio: Highest quoted positions? There are literally infinite number of positions for any form of sexual activity. This means that there is no upper limit to the number of ways that, e.g. oral sex, can be performed. This rather liberal way of interpreting sexual postures leads to odd consequences. Legman, for instance, has suggested that there are 14,288,400 positions for cunnilingus alone! Is he sure that there are not 14,288,401? Personally, I've done it only 13,733,384 times or so.

Oral Sex Related History, Information, Facts, and Statistics

First, it's vitally important to be able to:
Make a Perfect Blowjob - Drink a Perfect Blowjob

One Shot Glass (preferably "blown" glass" )
Layer Ingredients Accordingly (don't blow it):
1/2 oz Kahlua
1/2 oz Bailey's
1/2 oz Amaretto
Top with Whipped Cream
Suck Down Shooters with Friends

Main Entry: cun·ni·lin·gus
Pronunciation: "k&-ni-'li[ng]-g&s
Variant(s): also cun·ni·linc·tus /-'li[ng](k)-t&s/
Function: noun
Etymology: cunnilingus, New Latin, from Latin, one who licks the vulva, from cunnus vulva + lingere to lick; cunnilinctus, New Latin, from Latin cunnus + linctus, act of licking, from lingere -- : oral stimulation of the vulva or clitoris

Main Entry: fel·la·tio
Pronunciation: f&-'lA-shE-"O, fe-
Variant(s): also fel·la·tion /-'lA-sh&n/
Function: noun
Etymology: New Latin fellation-, fellatio, from Latin felare, fellare, literally, to suck ; oral stimulation of the penis.

Reality of giving oral sex as broken down by the opposite sex!

The mighty females of earth come forward and speak out as to the true feelings, fears, emotions, and complexities of performing oral sex.

1. First and foremost, we are not obligated to do it.
   
2. Extension to rule1 - So if you get one, be grateful.
   
3. I don't care WHAT they did in the porn video you saw; it is not standard practice to cum on someone's face.
   
4. Extension to rule 3 - No, I DON'T have to swallow.
   
5. My ears are NOT handles.
   
6. Extension to rule 5 - do not push on the top of my head. Do you really WANT puke on your dick?
   
7. I don't care HOW relaxed you get; it is NEVER OK to fart.
   
8. Having my period does not mean that it's "hummer week" - get it through your head - I'm bloated and I feel like shit so no, I don't feel particularly obligated to blow you just because YOU can't have sex right now.
   
9. Extension to 8 - "Blue Balls" might have worked on high school girls if you're that desperate, go jerk off and leave me alone with my Midol.
   
10. If I have to pause to remove a pubic hair from my teeth, don't tell me I've just "wrecked it" for you.
    
11. Leaving me in bed while you go play video games, smoke a cigarette, watch TV, etc...immediately afterwards is highly inadvisable if you would like my behavior to be repeated in the future.
    
12. If you like how we do it, it's probably best not to speculate about the origins of our talent. Just enjoy the moment and be happy that we're good at it. See also rule 2 about gratitude.
    
13. No, it doesn't particularly taste good. And I don't care about the protein content.
    
14. No, I will NOT do it while you watch TV, smoke a cigarette, drink, etc...
    
15. When you hear your friends complain about how they don't get blowjobs often enough, keep your mouth shut. It is inappropriate to either sympathize or brag.
    
16. Just because "it's awake" when you get up does not mean I have to kissit good morning".

The mighty dominate rulers of the planet retaliate

1. First of all, yes you are obligated to do it. If you don't, we will find someone (younger, prettier, and dirtier) who will.
   
2. Second, swallowing a teaspoon full of cream is a hell of a lot easier than licking a dead fish
   
3. You want to talk about farting? Does the word "queef" mean anything to you?
   
4. I will use your ears as I see fit. Don't worry about it and be thankful I'm not pulling your hair.
   
5. If you ever tell me what to say and not to say to my friends again, you won't have to worry about getting those little hairs stuck in your teeth...because you won't have any.
   
6. Maybe if you brushed your teeth and got the dick off your breath we would stick around afterward.
   
7. When you're on your period, stuffing something in your mouth is the only way to stop you from bitching and moaning.
   
8. Speaking of which, if you are bleeding for five straight days, you need all the fluids you can get, trust me.
   
9. You bitch about the taste, but trust me when I tell you that we get the shit end of the stick in flavor country.
   
10. At least there is no danger of a penis bleeding in your mouth
    
11. Play with the balls, nuture the balls, LOVE - the balls
    
12. No matter how good you think you are at it, we've had better.
    
13. Blowjobs are the only reason we spend time with you instead of our friends, take that away and you are, literally, useless.
    
14. Caress the ass, too, we like that.
    
15. Make hay when the sun shines. it's "wide awake" in the morning now, but when you get old & fat (and you will) and looking for some action, gah-ron-tee it'll be "sound asleep".
    
16. If you swallow, then you won't have to worry about getting any on your face, now will you?

Leave the thinking to us, okay girls?

Cunnilingus & Fellatio: Historical Royal Example There is no reason to suppose that royal personages do not enjoy their sex the same as the rest of us. Apart from the occasional scandal, however, we know very little of the sexual predilections of reigning monarchs: sometimes, after the event, some information leaks out.

There is one nice case on record - of royal oral sex. The T'ang Dynasty Empress Wu Hu evidently a keen feminist, designed a sexual custom aimed at elevating the female and humbling the male. To her fellatio represented supposed masculine supremacy: so she devised a means whereby "licking of the lotus stamen" could be exalted into prime extra coital importance and thus symbolise the advent of feminine domination. Wu Hu insisted that all governmental officials and visiting dignitaries pay homage to her Imperial Highness by performing cunnilingus upon her. Thus old paintings depict the empress holding her robe open while a dignitary kneels before her to lick her genitals (A. Edwardes & R. E. L. Masters, "The Cradle of Erotica").

Next Page - Oral Sex Jokes and Humor

Main Starting Jokes Humor Archive Page

For a quick one page comparison of the top singles sites, check out our compare popular dating sites chart. Should you prefer a quick loading and easy click graphics page with no text descriptions, click here for our quick click dating reference page. You can also access and read in depth reviews of every leading dating site on the all listed dating sites page.

Defining Free Memberships All our reviewed dating sites and matchmaking services offer various types of free memberships or trails. Free can have mean serveral meanings, however. The norm? It means you can place personal ads, search profiles for those that interest you. Some have 3 day to one week trials then you have to pony up to stay online. Others have lifetime free memberships but you must pay to contact. Please read any TOS agreements before committing to any site so you're clear on what promotions are being offered, and when they expire if applicable. You can read our entire article about it here

Copyright 2002-2006 www.free-online-personal-ads.com All Rights Reserved
Free Online Personal Ads and Dating Sites for Singles!

site map l privacy l all dating sites l disclaimers l contact us